What on Earth grants an individual the right to name a slice of land or a neighbourhood? How can we, the human race, grant the authority to make these types of decisions?

Because until we sort out all of that nonsense, all we’re left with is opinions.

And when it comes to the naming of North Vancouver’s rapidly-developing neighbourhood at the bottom of Lonsdale Avenue, there are some horrific opinions out there.

A website of questionable repute was recently brought to our attention condemning the possibility of nick-naming the area “LoLo”, for the name is clearly an infringement on New York City’s SoHo district.

Your Opinion is Wrong

I know this is an ironic statement, but in this case I’m right and if you disagree with me you’re wrong. One idea is to name the area The Shipyard District. Now, I like the word ‘district’, but not only is the area confined to the equivalent of a city block and therefore grossly short of qualifying as a district, I feel like this name would be better suited to a YMCA reunion tour or perhaps some sort of pirate convention.

Better yet, the name comes with the tagline See Worthy. Get it? See? As in, like, the sea? Not only does this paint good ol’ our-town as cheap pun-hocking buffoons, North Vancouver is not located adjacent to a sea.

So in this case, my opinion doesn’t matter, because facts are now involved. FACT: See Worthy is an embarrassing slogan worthy of its own drawn-out joke in an episode of Family Guy.

People Spend Money to Argue About This

Recently, businesses in the Lower Lonsdale area met to discuss the area’s branding, whereupon they allegedly came up with the See Worthy gem. Although, not every business. Apparently only select members of the Lower Lonsdale Business Association were invited to partake in this riveting debate.

You know, this all reminds me of recess one day in elementary school. We held a meeting to discuss the merits of re-naming our gym teacher, Mr. Taylor, into Mr. Total Buttface. But our coalition of change-provoking fourth grade citizens only invited the kids with no coordination who couldn’t hit the side of the gymnasium with a softball.

And thus, Mr. Total Buttface was forever coined.

Was I qualified to re-name my gym teacher?

Probably not.

Are you qualified to re-name a physical area of land you do not own, particularly when your contributions to said area ultimately serve yourself rather than the neighbourhood as a whole?

Probably not.

But that’s just my opinion.

Kelvin is a freelance writer. He spends his days blogging for companies who can’t, won’t or shouldn’t be blogging for themselves. Drop Kelvin a line at FunctionWriting.com or follow him on Twitter at @functionwriting.

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